The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of story.
We always hear ‘The Rules’ from the female side… Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!

Please note: These are all numbered 1 on purpose!

1. Men are not mind readers.
(First and Foremost)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl…it its up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, it’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides…let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work.
Strong hints don not work.
Obvious hints do not work.
…Just say it!

1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after the 1 day.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know how best to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We’ve no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing’, we’ll act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or cricket.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couth tonight; but did you know, men really don’t mind that.